Introducing 'Insane ripping woman' aka LT

So, now it is my turn. It's Lauren, Tim normally refers to me as LT.

I'm not all that good at doing journal entries but decided to bash at the keys during my cancer journey every so often. Tim and I have decided to include some of my entries to add my perspective and further entertain you all. Contrary to what most people think, my closest friends know I am not as mental as the following entry will portray!! This journal entry was written the night before my first radiation treatment.

3 January 2010:
So, perfect, the night I promised myself that I’d start writing this journal (the night before my first radiation treatment), my head and body decided to give me some material for the journal – and the need to calm the f**k down. (Please excuse the language, we found that blasphemy is a symptom of treatment; prior, during and post). I was feeling angry, and anxious. I ran a bath after dinner and put a face mask on after undressing quickly. I felt like my clothes were bugging me or something. I just knew they had to come off, and fast. After laying in the bath for 3 minutes or so, I started feeling worse. I was angry, scared, anxious, and well, emotional.
That’s when I started to think ‘here’s the mental breakdown’. After trying to relax, my emotions just got more and more raw. The tears started to flow, along with a great sense of helplessness and loneliness. I didn’t know what to do, or think, but I kept saying ‘it’s going to be OK’. After crying into the face washer for awhile I was thinking of places to go, people who I could see, to help calm me down. That was when I heard the cat in the hallway, chewing on and ripping off and spitting out chunks of cardboard from the box out there. GENIUS!

(Example of Cous Cous ripping something up)

I decided then and there, that I would try the cat’s technique of de-stressing. I quickly unplugged, dried, dressed and found myself some scissors. It felt good.

I quite angrily (but positively) cut along where Cous Cous had started, and ditched the scissors to rip off with my own hands. I know that I’m not totally insane because I was keeping a mindful ear out for the pending arrival home of our house mate Sarah. I didn’t want her to walk in on INSANE RIPPING WOMAN!

(I am happy to say that I calmed down after that night's efforts. Stay tuned for further entries from me about our rollercoaster journey of 2010, thank you for reading and much love - Lauren).